WRITING PROMPT – 10 MIN – DIALOGUE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IN WHICH NOBODY SAYS WHAT YOU EXPECT

Hey, Glenn how’s it shakin baby?

Dali! So good to hear from you. What’s happening in the third world?

Not much that you don’t already know. Those god damn Chinese are giving me a shit hemorrhage. Every day it’s something with them. I’d love to just march in there with all my monks and lop off all their heads.

Oh, Dali, no. I know it’s difficult to keep your head when things are as tough as they are, but really, hope will prevail and peace is the only answer. You know that. No matter how bad they are, they only make you look better and help our cause.

Peace Schmeace. I swear to God, those chinks are gonna be the death of me.

OK. Sounds like someone needs a break and maybe a time out. I’m going to turn on my computer camera and I want you to do the same. OK. Got me? I see you. OK. Look into my eyes and concentrate on my pupils and breathe deeply and think about something tranquil.

Tranquil! You must be kidding. I don’t have a tranquil bone in my body. Honestly, Glenn the worlds going to hell, people are going crazy and I’m trapped in this friggin robe and have to keep my lips zipped and a frozen half smile on my face like some Asian zombie.

Dali. Get a grip. I know you don’t want your job and I know it was thrust on you and you’ve had no choice. I get that. But, really, man. You are the f’n Dali f’n lama. How bad can that be? You wanna know what hell is? Go get a stupid hair cut and gain weight so you look like some pudged out Pillsbury dough republican and then stand in front of a chalk board and draw crazy diagrams for a living. I’m running out of conspiracy theory ideas. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’m plum out of ways to rile up the public.

Ya, I guess of the two of us you’ve got it the worst. Everyone thinks I’m brilliant and perfect. Only crazy people like you and everyone else thinks you’re a head case. That’s tough, man. But you do get to wear normal clothes. Like a man you look. Not like some guy perpetually ready to get in the shower. At least you get to stomp around and get angry. I have to just sit and get leg cramps while I gaze out into nothing and smile. Makes me wanna puke.

But I’m not angry. I have to pretend. Capitalism is crazy. I’m wondering if it’s worth it. I’ve gotten rich off of stupid people. Is that right? Is that what a good person does? Really, most days I don’t feel like I’m any better than Bernie Madoff. I’m a con artist. I’m selling my soul for money. I have to go to confession twice a day just to be able to function. I donate ¾ of my earnings to charities – and you, of course – just to reconcile my job with my true ideology. On weekends, I do volunteer work hoping god will even out the scales for me. My fervent hope is that people will wake up sooner rather than later and I can go back to living a sane and true life.

Speaking of donations. Did you send a check this month? The monks and I are getting awfully horny and we’re planning a trip to Shanghai. You know what that will cost.

Ya, baby, the check’s in the mail. Have fun.